We bring you today the teachings of The Holy Church of Ueshima. [Now Recruiting]Lead me not to temptation... My faith does that already.My Holy Mother has a penis. Allegedly.
We don't have Church on Sundays, we have Chats on Fridays.
"And tonight we shall be reading from the book of pnish once again.."
"But we still have the chapters of age, cafe, monsters, and all of the legended Chapter Four"
Guided by the hand of Ueshima, Our Lord; Yanagi is Our Saviour and Kimeru Our Holy Mother.
We worship the Saints, from the Old and New Testament. Behold their grace!
St. Endou, St. TakiEiji, St. MoriEiji, St. Tuti, St. Nagayan, St. Souta, St. Naoya, St. Abe, St. Aiba, St. Shirota, St. Adachi, St. Araki, St. Zukki, St. Kaji, St. Kujirai and St. Kotani.
Let us not forget our Angels too, for they look over us on a daily basis.
The Ruling Angels who shine upon us from the Scorching Halls of Hyoutei, lead by Kazuki; Kenken, Date, Aoyagi, Takuya, Washimi, Saitou and Kawai.
The "Lofty Ones", the spirits of love. They provide the universe with positive light and spirit, coming to us from the Holy Halls of St Rudolph: KENN, Katou, Yuki, Shinoda and Aoki.
Spirits of harmony, representing the wisdom of God, from the Angsty Halls of Fudomine: Konoshi, YOH, Fujiwara, Yasuyuki, Takagi, Mamoru and Takuma.
The Angels of Justice, hailing from the Challenging Halls of Yamabuki: Wada, Juri, Piroshi, Kawakubo, Hayashi and Yanagisawa.
And Ichitarou, the fallen one.
Less but not least, our Three Wisemen, Hotta, Ishibashi and Toyonaga, who lead us to our Saviour with their Two Years Prophetic Experience.
Be warned children about the Antichrist. I bring you the words of Mother Superior of The Holy Order of Moriyama Eiji, which came to her in dreams The AntiChrist is the producer who will say Tenimyu is over; He has no face, we don't know who he is... but he will exist, and it will happen one day
, Honooko, Mother Superior of the Order of Blossam. [Nagayan]umbrellaofdoom
, Becca, Mother Superior of the Holy Order of Moriyama Eiji. [MoriEiji]little_ribbon
, Lin, Mother Superior of the Holy Order of The Broom. [Shio]fencer_x
, Court, Mother Superior of the Spazzy Kissy Faces. [Zukki]mari_yagami
, Mari, Mother Superior of the Holy Order of Tacky Cocksucking. [Aiba]
(and the representatives of the Orders of Ueshima, Tuti and Naoya,
should they choose to embrace the faith
And now, let us read from our Dream Psalms and rejoice while we spread the word of the Origins of our Holy Church
And remember my children if faced with evil, commend your soul to the Lord and perform the sign of the Holy Racket, to guard you from any harm and rape charges.